It's Not In My Genes

Trip 16: Perth to Mount Peake via Alice Springs

Purpose: Targeted flora and fauna survey

Total Distance Traveled: 4, 342km

Distance Traveled Year to Date: 60, 491 km

Me, the Beta Evo and nothing anywhere for miles and miles

I can’t blame my heritage because I have none. Well, no Italian heritage at least. Can I blame my father? He owned the odd little Italian car, but he was hardly a fanatic, so I think not. Whatever the case I am fairly certain that my blood runs rosso corsa and all I see when I see a Pininfarina design is not a vehicle, but a work of art. Jeremy Clarkson says that you cannot call yourself a petrol head until you have owned an Alfa. Well then, by his measure I am a petrol head.  I believe you are truly besotted with Italian vehicles when you are completely comfortable with the resolution that your vehicle does not work the way it should simply because it is an Alfa, Fiat or Ducati. 

We have a relatively new Alfa Gulieta QV. It is stunning with it’s all leather interior, classic lines with the plunging Alfa grill and a spectacular full-length glass roof with sunroof. It lacks many of the features of a modern car including some of the very basics such as Sat Nav and heated seats, but that is OK because it is an Alfa. Since new it is had an incessant rattle under the dash, which one expects in an Alfa. It is a $5 part but it will cost $600 to fix it because in true Alfa fashion no job is a small job. For quite some time the rear wiper comes on randomly and more recently almost all of the electrics to the rear of the car have packed it in due to a typically troublesome wiring loom that is, as the Dealer put it, ‘common’ in this model. I had a gorgeous GTV6 which I used to take to car shows. I remember once an official asking me to wind the window down so he could direct me to my bay. I shrugged, implying I could not. He did not even question it. He just raised his voice.  

 

Back when I was a teenager, the moment I could afford to do it, I off loaded my first car (a most reliable 1979 baby shit brown Suburu wagon) to purchase the one car I had become besotted with from the moment I first saw one. My Fiat 124 spoke volumes about my personality at the time. I was unique, I had exceptional taste, and I operated a little left of centre. Every single one of my friends had gone either Ford or Holden, except those with no taste at all that went Datsun, Toyota or Mazda. But I chose the path less travelled and it would be fair to say that I did far less ‘travelling’ in that car than most of my mates. They say FIAT is an acronym for Fix It Again Tony and that pretty well sums up my 124 Sport. Would I buy one again? In a heartbeat yes I would. 

When I had settled into my first full-time reasonably well-paid job I felt I was entitled to indulge some, so I purchased a near new Ducati 900SS with all the go fast racing bits on it. It looked better than any Van Gough, went like stink, cornered like a side-show roller coaster ride and sounded like rolling thunder. But here is a tip. Don’t ever buy a Ducati as your sole mode of transport because, no matter how much you might want to ride it, you will spend more time catching a bus to the job that paid for it. I would pray for mercy and small miracles almost every time I tried to start the thing. And, to be honest, it was so loud and the V Twin shuddered so much that after fifteen minutes you really just wanted to turn it off again. Would I buy one again? In a heartbeat yes, I would. In fact, I went one better and got a collectable 851 Superbike that is even louder and far less reliable. At least the 900SS ran once it started. The 851 will start, when it feels like it, but it will also stop with absolutely no warning. As a consequence, in the four years I have had it, it has travelled no further than the neighbouring precinct of Guildford, less than 15 kms away and it gave up about 5km from home. 

So why then, as the Principal Biologist of Animal Plant Mineral Pty Ltd, would I choose an Italian motorbike to take me to some of the most remote and inaccessible places in Australia? I really can’t answer that question. It just happened. My Beta Evo just happened to be a good deal that was recommended to me by a close friend and dealer in what happens to be one of the most unique forms of motor sport: observed trials. It is a funny looking little beast. Pretty to me, but beauty is clearly in the eye of the beholder. But I worship this bike because when I get on it, it springs into life with all the enthusiasm of a pre-schooler high on red cordial. It urges me to take it to places that no other motorised vehicle could go, and it always brings me home. 

Jeremy Clarkson says that some vehicles have soul. Well my Beta Evo has soul, but it also has the heart of an ox that just keeps on pounding one kilometre after another.

When you are dependent upon something you can't help but be a little grateful for it